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<title>Between selfishness and self care by Bellatrix_Winchester (Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22574122">Between selfishness and self care</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen/pseuds/Bellatrix_Winchester'>Bellatrix_Winchester (Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Diary of an young adult [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Diary/Journal, Feelings, Prose Poem, Realization, Soul-Searching, Turning pain into art, bleeding on paper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:28:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22574122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen/pseuds/Bellatrix_Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever felt selfish for wanting something?<br/>Have you ever tried to focus on yourself and found that the world is looking at you like you're the monster?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Diary of an young adult [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1624216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Between selfishness and self care</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>I have thoughts that need catering.</p><p>Wounds that need healing.</p><p>The people close to me know what I've been through and everyone suggests the same thing.</p><p>"Take care of yourself first."</p><p>And when you actually engage in the process of healing, they give you a look like what you've done is unforgivable.</p><p>They say that it's okay to take a step back</p><p>It's alright if you don't want to do it all.</p><p>You think that they want the best for you but no</p><p>Maybe, they say that to you to make themselves feel better.</p><p>I know you know exactly what I'm talking about.</p><hr/><p>I say I practice self care but all I do is watch one more video on YouTube.</p><p>I say I will finish my novel but I find myself thinking about my insecurities.</p><p>The characters in the TV shows start to mock us with their lovers</p><p>It's funny how they cannot choose who to be with, while all I do is crave proximity</p><p>I have nobody to hold</p><p>Nobody to cry with</p><p>Yet I cry with everyone</p><p>I'm the shoulder, never the heart of someone</p><p>Always second best</p><p>Always the second choice</p><p>I know you know what I mean.</p><p>And if you don't, honey, I'm happy for you.</p><hr/><p>"Choose yourself once", they said.</p><p>They didn't mean it</p><p>When you choose yourself, they pout</p><p>They want your energy</p><p>For you to give your all</p><p>They complain that you're changing when they suggested you to do so.</p><p>I say, "leave me alone, I'm lonely".</p><p>You know what I mean.</p><p>And if you don't, you're the one I'm talking about.</p>
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